Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
