I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
