I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
