nut hugger
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
