From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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