dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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