I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
