i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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