yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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