the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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