I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
