With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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