Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
