Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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