cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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