Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I supernannyed him into submission
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
