is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize