I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
