chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
