perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
