So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
