just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
