the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
