every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
