The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
