she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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