i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
