if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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