genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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