Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
