You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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