Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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