my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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