hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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