my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize