Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
