So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
