I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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