I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
