i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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