His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
