sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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