pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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