what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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