it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
