the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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