Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
