By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
