Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
