Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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