I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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