I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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