I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
