your parents love me but you hate me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
