So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
