do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
