he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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