Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think a kid would responsible me up
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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