I puked a lego.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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