Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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