Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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