i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
