The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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