I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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