my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
