the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
