Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You took a bar mat shot.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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