You're my little dorito
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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